I recently read a lovely blog post from an empty nester's perspective on what should be documented past the usual first couple of years of milestones in a traditional baby book. It got me thinking about what I already know I am going to miss as my little guy continues to grow. And unfortunately, there are certain things that cannot be captured in a photo nor on video, so I realized that I am going to have to resort to a blog post in an attempt to try and capture feelings and emotions of those special times we share.
As my son is a full on toddler, the nursing relationship we now have is very different than when he used to nurse as a baby. It's no longer about nourishment, but provides us with a special quiet bonding time before and after sleep. Whether it's reading a book before bed time, or when he's slowly waking up, these moments of just me and him are so very special for both of us. Sometimes I'll do something that will give him the giggles and I'll have to just keep doing it because I love that sound so much. We look each other in the eyes and just spend that time enjoying each others company without the rest of the day's distractions.
I am going to miss the time we spend playing silly games at home that have no rules or sometimes simply do not make any sense. He likes to tell me "mommy go hide." I'll quickly take off to one side of the house with him following close behind, laughing all the way. We will do this over and over again because he finds it so entertaining. I have tried to teach him the proper way to play hide-and-seek, but the concept of covering his eyes fully and not following me until he has counted to five still is beyond him. The fact that he tells me exactly where to hide every time probably breaks all the rules of hide-and-seek as well.
Even though watching the same movie over and over again can be somewhat redundant for an adult, I'll never get tired of seeing his smirk and the glint in his eyes when we both look at each other right before one of his favorite scenes is about to happen. If I happen to be in another room when it comes on, I definitely know what scene is happening based on his giggles and laughter. He tells me "Xander find it funny," an expression he also uses for a certain book he likes me to read relentlessly.
Sometimes out of the blue he'll tell me "take my hand, mommy." Sometimes he'll ask while he is eating, or when he wants me to go with him to another room in the house, or sometimes it's to go down a big slide or climb up something at the park. Holding that little hand in mine provides me comfort and joy, just as much as I know it does for him. Along the same lines, he'll tell me "baby me, mommy," his terminology for when he wants me to carry him somewhere. Even though he is getting heavier and more difficult to carry, I'm sure he'll stop asking before I stop being able to do so.
I am definitely going to miss the surprise and pride I feel when my little toddler says a new word or phrase for the first time. I'm sure there are going to be plenty of firsts throughout his life that will give me a similar feeling of pride, but there is something about hearing a word for the first time, probably miss pronounced, but said with such confidence and excitement. I find myself having to repeat what he just said to let him know that I not only heard heard it, but want to encourage him to continue to expand his vocabulary on a daily basis.
Another thing that cannot be captured, that I know I will definitely miss, is the way my son wraps his arms around me and lays his head on my shoulder when I take his sleeping body out of the car. There is such a sweet innocence and tenderness in his quiet, sleepy body that makes me want to hold him like that forever. Even when I have been looking forward to nap time all morning in order to get some much needed chores done, I will try to hold onto that moment for as long as I can.
The "terrible-two's" really can be a trying time. And as I've heard from others who have come before me, the wrath of a "three-nager" may leave me longing for a good 'ole two-year-old tantrum. But there really are some wonderful moments right now that I wish to remember forever. Hopefully the photos and videos I have captured, and journal entries I have made will at least document a fraction of the beauty that has been. I have learned that looking forward to each new milestone is a surefire way to miss out on just how wonderful the "now" really is.
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