To Technologoy or Not To Technology, That is the Question...

I'm sure many parents struggle with this in the technological age we are living in, and even more so if you're a work at home parent of a stay at home only child that no longer naps. This is my current dilemma and the fact that I am somewhat addicted to technology and the work I do involves technology probably doesn't help either.

It was so much easier for our parents when we were kids. Perhaps it was because I grew up on a street with other kids my own age, we played at each other's houses and only came home just in time for dinner. Of course I grew up in the suburbs in the Midwest on a dead end street with a park right across from my home. I can't say that where we live is really that much less "suburban," but it definitely doesn't have that same feel and with that comes less freedom for my child to explore and discover on his own. Some of that may be attributed to his age, but neighborhoods don't feel as "neighborly" as they once did.

So if I can't send him out on his own and if I can't be connected to the internet at the local park, what's a work at home parent to do? While I'm writing this he's actually interrupting me repeatedly for help with an art project that I thought would keep him occupied long enough to get this post done...wrong! Trips to the Dollar Store for art supplies are a regular occurrence just to get him away from technology and keep him occupied (somewhat anyway). I recently read an article that kids should not be allowed any technology before they turn one (oops!) and after that they should only be allowed up to an hour a day (another oops!). Ultimately we are all doing the best that we can, but there is an alternative to mind numbing toy review and surprise egg videos if we parents need some uninterrupted work time......

I am very happy to say that since attending a PBS SoCalKids event that focused on programming curriculum and their Ready to Learn Initiative, I know that if I do choose to turn on the television, then PBS Kids shows are the way to go.  So much time, energy, and thought goes into make their shows that my son's brain is continuing to expand and he is actually learning life lessons and various subject curriculum while watching.  I had the pleasure of learning about "Ready Jet Go!" and the fact that there is an actual JPL Astrophysicist on staff that not only contributes to the show's curriculum, but she is making sure that the science represented is scientifically based.  I learned that the whole production process for an eleven minute episode takes nine months from outline to finished product! In order to create an entire season, they are working on multiple episodes at one time throughout the year.

While I was learning all of these cool things, my son was in the back of the room with other kids on tablets to keep quiet and occupied. But when I found that that he was actually exploring various PBS apps that taught him new things that he was so excited to share with me after the event ended, I was looking forward to downloading the same apps for his tablet when we got home. The most interesting moment, however, was when we were watching a clip from "Ready Jet Go" and all of the kids stopped what they were doing to watch the scene and listen to how it was made, showing that they were not completely zoned out in the tablets.

Another cool element I had no idea about was that PBS Kids also has home based curriculum that kids can do to accompany what they learn in an episode. The activities can be found through their lab on their grown-ups site: http://grownups.pbskids.org/.  I know that my kid learns better when he's doing it hands on, so that fact that the lessons in each episode can be reinforced with activities that we can do together is awesome.

Ultimately, I don't need a researcher to tell me that too much technology is bad for my child. I can definitely see for myself when he has been exposed to too much on any given day (or week): his attitude changes, he is more difficult to communicate with, his patience is very limited, etc. I have resorted to "technology cleanses" for up to two weeks at a time when I feel like it's something that will benefit him and our relationship. Now that I have learned about the PBS for grown-ups site, at least I have a go-to for activities I can have him do that will not only be fun, but educational as well. Since the event he has gotten really excited about Astrology and Science, so I do let him enjoy the "Ready Jet Go!" app as part of his daily hour and he's even teaching me some things too! And since we cut the cord with cable TV, it's awesome to know that he can stream any PBS show at anytime on pbssocal.org/kids or through their video app.

New Year's Resolutions From Another Perspective

Every time New Year's comes around, my Facebook news feed is flooded with resolutions about everything under the sun.  Some people write about how they plan to better document time with their families.  I understand that documenting your little ones can get overwhelming, but it is extremely important to do so. I cannot stress that enough.  I started thinking about what I may do differently the next time around, but then wondered, what if there isn't a "next time around?" What if my little guy is the only addition we're going to have? What would I have done differently had I known from the get go that this was going to be the only time I would experience all of this?

I definitely would have documented my pregnancy more, that's for sure.  I saw pregnancy journals online and in bookstores and wondered at the time why I would want or need to track the changes I was going through, the cravings I was having, and the emotional roller coaster I was on.  If I am lucky enough to go through this again, I don't even think I would have the time to do this with chasing my little guy around. Your first pregnancy really is the best time to focus on yourself and what your body is going through.  I definitely didn't appreciate that I could nap if I needed to. It was such a surreal experience to grow a human for what seemed like nine interminable months, but now it all seems like such a distant memory that went by so quickly.  If I never get to go through it again, I am definitely saddened that I can't recall so many of the details that were such a huge part of those awe inspiring nine months.

Additionally, having had the opportunity to create prenatal chapters for some clients' video baby books, it has made me realize that wish I had captured my husbands reaction when I told him we were expecting.  I wish I could have captured other family and friends on camera when we shared the news.  I also wish we had done a creative gender reveal video. If there is a next time, I will have to make something unforgettable, and it will be, because it will be captured on film.  If I don't get to have my "next time," I hope my video baby book business helps others not have this same regret.

If I knew I wasn't going to have another child, I would have hired a birth photographer and videographer. Labor was so intense, but also so amazing, beautiful, and inspiring, that I really wish I had better documentation of the day.  I definitely also wish I had written out my birth story in more detail closer to the day I had given birth.  Waiting until a month afterwards I think some of the details got fuzzy.  Having had the opportunity to interview brand new moms and document their birth stories for them makes me realize just how much I have already forgotten.  As much as I wanted my husband to turn off his helmet cam because I thought I'd never want to see myself going through that experience, I am so glad I have at least that to remember the most beautiful day of my entire life. 

If I knew my munchkin was going to be the only squishy baby that I would ever have, I would have done a professional newborn shoot.  I love seeing everyone's adorable shots with props and wardrobe, but now that I have had the opportunity to be behind-the-scenes of some of these shoots, I cannot get over how undeniably precious those photographs are. Knowing that the best newborn photo shoots take place within ten days of birth, that newborn "look" is gone in an second when most don't even realize they've missed it.

If I knew that my little guy would be the only newborn I would get to experience, I definitely would have tried harder to enjoy the newborn stage. I know it's really hard for new parents to find joy in the sleepless nights and zombie-like days filled with worry, doubt, fear and confusion. But watching a new life learn about the world on the outside from such an innocent and unaltered perspective is truly inspiring. I remember an extra speedy grocery shopping trip with him in the early weeks and someone commented to me that she missed the "newborn cry." At that moment I thought she was crazy. That cry was making me crazy at the time. But now I understand, and I miss it too.

So in 2015 my resolution is to unplug more, appreciate each little milestone my son accomplishes, take the time to mourn the passing of previous stages, and document everything as much as possible for myself and for him.  This very well may be my only opportunity to capture a two year old and all his silliness and mispronunciations, and I'm not going to miss it.

Being a Parent Can Be Scary, Don't Prepetuate the Fear in Others

I wanted to do a post on milestones, but from a different perspective, one of anticipation and how others affect your perception of what is to come.  As my son moves on into toddlerhood, I've noticed that parents that have BTDT (been there done that) tend to feel the need to give me advice on what is on the horizon, but most often in the most non-conducive fashion: PLAGUED WITH FEAR!

I think back to the time when I was pregnant when I was looking forward to my son's birth with the typical uneasiness of venturing into the unknown abyss.  I had done a lot of research on labor and birth and watched numerous videos online.  I was nervous, of course, but really excited about the day I would finally get to meet my little guy.  But for some reason, anyone I met who had already had children felt the need fill my brain with horror stories of labor and birth.  I heard about a catheter not working and then the eventual C-section cutting into the bladder, I heard about hours upon hours of ineffective labor that resulted in a C-section, I heard about the horrible pain I would feel because I was planning to be unmedicated, I heard about the tearing and everything else that would make any pregnant woman run for the hills, wishing she never got pregnant in the first place.  So much of having a positive birth experience is about mindset, so why would someone who already went through it cause another parent-to-be so much anxiety? Just stop.  If you've BTDT and you see a pregnant mom, wish her a fast and easy labor or just say "congratulations."

Right before I had my son, the next fear tactic that was thrown upon me was about all the sleep I would not be getting and that it was important to sleep now.  Well, anyone who as ever been pregnant should know that the last month or so that is obviously impossible. Comfortable sleep and an always full bladder make for very difficult full nights of sleep. Instead of telling the parents how hard it will be and what a struggle the transition is going to be, offer to bring by some food once baby arrives.  Offer to take baby for a walk in the stroller so that the parents can get some sleep.  Or even offer to pay for a cleaning service to clean their home, that way they can catch up on some of the sleep they were told to get before baby arrived.

Of course there are numerous other milestones that I looked forward to, read about and researched, that seemed like so much fun that were only dampened by another parent's horror story: "My baby rolled over unexpectedly and fell off the bed", "My child started crawling and got into everything, I can't take my eyes off her", "Once my child started walking, he took to running quite quickly and takes off all the time" etc.

I remember thinking that I couldn't wait for my son to talk because I was so interested in what he would have to say.  Now he doesn't stop talking, ever.  Other parents would always respond with, "careful what you wish for."  Well, even though sometimes it can cause frustration for both of us when either I can't example understand what he's asking me for or I can understand it and I'm not going to give it to him, there are so many more times when he will repeat something I say that is just so awesome to hear from his mouth.  Or he'll say something brand new that I don't even know where he picked it up and I'll have no choice but to smile.  When my little guy asks be to re-read the same book for the fourth time because "he finds it funny" what else kind I do but oblige?

Recently my son and I were at an indoor playground where my son was very nicely playing with an older boy.  The other child's mom asked how old my son was and when I told her he was two her response was "enjoy it, three is really hard." Now what if I was already having a really difficult time with the "terrible twos?" What if this Norman Rockwellesque interaction was the one time my son wasn't throwing a fit? How would I feel if I had only even worse days to look forward to? Please, parents, every child is different, even ones in the same household.  Let me learn about the trials and tribulations of a "threenager" all on my own. As I've told other parents, with each new milestone, it just gets better and better. Of course each developmental stage has it's challenges, but the developments that are causing those challenges also make for really fun times.  Enjoy every stage, both the good and the bad, because whether it is good or bad, it will be over before you know it and you will be mourning the previous stages when they're gone.

The Importance of Keeping a Baby Book

...or "Why I Do What I Do"

There are a lot of great reasons to keep a baby book for your little one(s).  Keeping track of milestones is not only great for reminiscing in later years, knowing that your little one is hitting their milestones is important to track for progress, even years down the road.  The sooner a developmental delay can be identified, the sooner intervention can take place and quite possibly avoid problems later on down the road.  Your pediatrician will want to know at each of your well-baby visits that your child has not only reached specific milestones, but when they happened.

Another reason to keep a baby book is none other than avoiding the dreaded "mommy guilt."  Believe it or not, not writing down when those milestone occurred can create a great deal of negative feelings and then the overwhelming feeling that occurs when it's time to finally play catch up may keep the catch up from ever even happening.  More simply put: the more you have to write down, the less likely you'll write down any of it.  This tends to be the case, more often than not, for successive children.  Then the "mommy guilt" is even worse when the kids get older and compare the lack of documentation of their lives to their older siblings.  Luckily, my mom had four years between me and my older sister, so for being a third child, my baby book is pretty well filled out.  Of course there are gaps here and there, but the fact that I can ask my mom when I did such and such and she can say "I don't know, check your baby book" is usually good enough for me.  I have yet to compare my book to my older siblings, but what I've got is good enough for when it was made.

This brings me to my next reason for keeping a baby book, FOR YOUR CHILDREN. Inevitably kids will ask where they come from at some point, being able to pull out a book (or it's equivalent) makes answering that question a lot easier.  Of course I'm not recommending putting all of the conception details into a baby book, but typically looking through the book (or again, it's equivalent) will squash the birds and the bees question, for a while anyway.   Looking even further into the future, when your kids have their own kids, it will be important for them to compare when they did something with when their child is doing those things.  For example, my son is just now, at fifteen months, getting his first tooth.  When the one year milestone passed and no pearly whites were in sight, I of course got concerned.  But since I myself did not have too many teeth early on (thanks to being able to find out in my own baby book), a lot of my concerns were put at bay (and searching on Google was helpful as well).

Looking even further down the road, as much as we don't want to think about our own mortality, we will not always be around and giving our children the chance to read about our thoughts and feelings towards them and gain deeper insight into those early years and the relationships we developed during that time, can really make all the difference.  In the case of Video Baby Books, seeing how we look at our babies, the way we respond to them, how we talk about them, how we look at them, is a priceless treasure that will mean more to them than we will ever know.

If a typical baby book is not for you, you are not alone.  Feel free to check out my previous blog post on the typical baby book and alternatives that exist.  If you're an expectant or new parent and already feeling overwhelmed, you can always delegate the responsibility to me and have me create a Video Baby Book for you.  Check out my website, like me on Facebook, or follow me on Twitter.  On my website you can sign up for my mailing list to receive the "Top Ten Home Movie Failures To Avoid."