New Year's Resolutions From Another Perspective

Every time New Year's comes around, my Facebook news feed is flooded with resolutions about everything under the sun.  Some people write about how they plan to better document time with their families.  I understand that documenting your little ones can get overwhelming, but it is extremely important to do so. I cannot stress that enough.  I started thinking about what I may do differently the next time around, but then wondered, what if there isn't a "next time around?" What if my little guy is the only addition we're going to have? What would I have done differently had I known from the get go that this was going to be the only time I would experience all of this?

I definitely would have documented my pregnancy more, that's for sure.  I saw pregnancy journals online and in bookstores and wondered at the time why I would want or need to track the changes I was going through, the cravings I was having, and the emotional roller coaster I was on.  If I am lucky enough to go through this again, I don't even think I would have the time to do this with chasing my little guy around. Your first pregnancy really is the best time to focus on yourself and what your body is going through.  I definitely didn't appreciate that I could nap if I needed to. It was such a surreal experience to grow a human for what seemed like nine interminable months, but now it all seems like such a distant memory that went by so quickly.  If I never get to go through it again, I am definitely saddened that I can't recall so many of the details that were such a huge part of those awe inspiring nine months.

Additionally, having had the opportunity to create prenatal chapters for some clients' video baby books, it has made me realize that wish I had captured my husbands reaction when I told him we were expecting.  I wish I could have captured other family and friends on camera when we shared the news.  I also wish we had done a creative gender reveal video. If there is a next time, I will have to make something unforgettable, and it will be, because it will be captured on film.  If I don't get to have my "next time," I hope my video baby book business helps others not have this same regret.

If I knew I wasn't going to have another child, I would have hired a birth photographer and videographer. Labor was so intense, but also so amazing, beautiful, and inspiring, that I really wish I had better documentation of the day.  I definitely also wish I had written out my birth story in more detail closer to the day I had given birth.  Waiting until a month afterwards I think some of the details got fuzzy.  Having had the opportunity to interview brand new moms and document their birth stories for them makes me realize just how much I have already forgotten.  As much as I wanted my husband to turn off his helmet cam because I thought I'd never want to see myself going through that experience, I am so glad I have at least that to remember the most beautiful day of my entire life. 

If I knew my munchkin was going to be the only squishy baby that I would ever have, I would have done a professional newborn shoot.  I love seeing everyone's adorable shots with props and wardrobe, but now that I have had the opportunity to be behind-the-scenes of some of these shoots, I cannot get over how undeniably precious those photographs are. Knowing that the best newborn photo shoots take place within ten days of birth, that newborn "look" is gone in an second when most don't even realize they've missed it.

If I knew that my little guy would be the only newborn I would get to experience, I definitely would have tried harder to enjoy the newborn stage. I know it's really hard for new parents to find joy in the sleepless nights and zombie-like days filled with worry, doubt, fear and confusion. But watching a new life learn about the world on the outside from such an innocent and unaltered perspective is truly inspiring. I remember an extra speedy grocery shopping trip with him in the early weeks and someone commented to me that she missed the "newborn cry." At that moment I thought she was crazy. That cry was making me crazy at the time. But now I understand, and I miss it too.

So in 2015 my resolution is to unplug more, appreciate each little milestone my son accomplishes, take the time to mourn the passing of previous stages, and document everything as much as possible for myself and for him.  This very well may be my only opportunity to capture a two year old and all his silliness and mispronunciations, and I'm not going to miss it.

Being a Parent Can Be Scary, Don't Prepetuate the Fear in Others

I wanted to do a post on milestones, but from a different perspective, one of anticipation and how others affect your perception of what is to come.  As my son moves on into toddlerhood, I've noticed that parents that have BTDT (been there done that) tend to feel the need to give me advice on what is on the horizon, but most often in the most non-conducive fashion: PLAGUED WITH FEAR!

I think back to the time when I was pregnant when I was looking forward to my son's birth with the typical uneasiness of venturing into the unknown abyss.  I had done a lot of research on labor and birth and watched numerous videos online.  I was nervous, of course, but really excited about the day I would finally get to meet my little guy.  But for some reason, anyone I met who had already had children felt the need fill my brain with horror stories of labor and birth.  I heard about a catheter not working and then the eventual C-section cutting into the bladder, I heard about hours upon hours of ineffective labor that resulted in a C-section, I heard about the horrible pain I would feel because I was planning to be unmedicated, I heard about the tearing and everything else that would make any pregnant woman run for the hills, wishing she never got pregnant in the first place.  So much of having a positive birth experience is about mindset, so why would someone who already went through it cause another parent-to-be so much anxiety? Just stop.  If you've BTDT and you see a pregnant mom, wish her a fast and easy labor or just say "congratulations."

Right before I had my son, the next fear tactic that was thrown upon me was about all the sleep I would not be getting and that it was important to sleep now.  Well, anyone who as ever been pregnant should know that the last month or so that is obviously impossible. Comfortable sleep and an always full bladder make for very difficult full nights of sleep. Instead of telling the parents how hard it will be and what a struggle the transition is going to be, offer to bring by some food once baby arrives.  Offer to take baby for a walk in the stroller so that the parents can get some sleep.  Or even offer to pay for a cleaning service to clean their home, that way they can catch up on some of the sleep they were told to get before baby arrived.

Of course there are numerous other milestones that I looked forward to, read about and researched, that seemed like so much fun that were only dampened by another parent's horror story: "My baby rolled over unexpectedly and fell off the bed", "My child started crawling and got into everything, I can't take my eyes off her", "Once my child started walking, he took to running quite quickly and takes off all the time" etc.

I remember thinking that I couldn't wait for my son to talk because I was so interested in what he would have to say.  Now he doesn't stop talking, ever.  Other parents would always respond with, "careful what you wish for."  Well, even though sometimes it can cause frustration for both of us when either I can't example understand what he's asking me for or I can understand it and I'm not going to give it to him, there are so many more times when he will repeat something I say that is just so awesome to hear from his mouth.  Or he'll say something brand new that I don't even know where he picked it up and I'll have no choice but to smile.  When my little guy asks be to re-read the same book for the fourth time because "he finds it funny" what else kind I do but oblige?

Recently my son and I were at an indoor playground where my son was very nicely playing with an older boy.  The other child's mom asked how old my son was and when I told her he was two her response was "enjoy it, three is really hard." Now what if I was already having a really difficult time with the "terrible twos?" What if this Norman Rockwellesque interaction was the one time my son wasn't throwing a fit? How would I feel if I had only even worse days to look forward to? Please, parents, every child is different, even ones in the same household.  Let me learn about the trials and tribulations of a "threenager" all on my own. As I've told other parents, with each new milestone, it just gets better and better. Of course each developmental stage has it's challenges, but the developments that are causing those challenges also make for really fun times.  Enjoy every stage, both the good and the bad, because whether it is good or bad, it will be over before you know it and you will be mourning the previous stages when they're gone.

MORE STUFF! Do These Things REALLY Help Our Little Ones Reach Milestones?

As I was forced to be awake early this morning for two hours straight while trying to coax my little one to go back to sleep without nursing, I started racking my brain for what else we could buy to help our situation (in addition to the sound machine, the sleep sheep, the night light turtle, etc.) Then I realized that clearly humans have been "learning" to sleep for thousands of years without electronic device assistance (or training books, for that matter, I mean, who taught Ferber how to sleep?)  What other "THINGS" have we bought to "help" our little guy reach his milestones.  I know that some of these things were actually created to help out mom and dad, but honestly, I think baby registries have gotten way out of control.  Here are just a few of the things (some of which I admit I bought or tried) that probably really did not make a difference in our little guy's development. 

*Disclaimer: I am not in any way discrediting the work of occupational therapists that help babies that show signs of delay or lack developmental skills early on.  The tools that these professionals use truly help babies that would probably have much greater issues developing as they progress in life.

1. Headphones for the belly: I'm not really sure what milestone this is supposed to aid, but I too bought in to the idea that playing classical music for my fetus would benefit his developing brain.  But what music did Mozart's mom play for him in the womb? I doubt his mom had a recording of Bach.  Perhaps there really isn't much to this one after all.

2. The Playmat: Did babies really take that much longer to learn how to lift up their head when not forced to have tummy time on a colorful mat with toys? I highly doubt there were six month old babies with floppy heads even one hundred years ago. I remember reading that it's important to have a mirror on the floor when your baby is doing tummy time to encourage them to lift their head and strengthen their neck.  Once your little one realizes there are things going on around him, he's going to work on trying to see what those things are, with or without the colorful lights and sounds encouraging it.  They really don't need all those noisy toys to learn how to respond to sound, they are going to be interested in it and they will do it whether it plays a delightful tune or not.

3. The Bumbo seat: Did babies not figure out how to sit up before they were forced into this strange seat? Were seven month old babies rolling around on the ground without the desire to sit up and take in the world around him?  Most physical therapists hate them anyway.  Why did I give in and buy it? My son seemed like he really wanted to see what was going on around him before he was able to sit up.  I probably should have just worn him in a carrier instead during those fussy times.

4. Walkers: I know for many parents and professionals these mobile playpens have already been discredited as actually delaying a child's development, but that still doesn't stop many parents from purchasing them in the hopes that their child will become mobile sooner.  After having experienced an early walker, if I were to go through it all over again, I think I'd be happy with crawling for at least a few more months. (see previous blog post about pushing the first born to develop faster and hoping subsequent children stay babies longer)

5. Anything with lights and annoying sounds: There are so many lights and sounds that exist outside in the real world that your baby can be introduced to that these inventions probably do not make much of a difference, if at all.  The real world lights and sounds are probably better anyway because introducing your child to them requires live interaction between the two of you.  And it is proven that engaging your baby in conversation about the world around them from early on actually does help brain development.   Your child doesn't need a flashing light in front of them to encourage crawling, you at a distance will be reason enough to get on the move.  Honestly, what toys did Einstein play with before there was Baby Einstein to help him develop his genius? There wasn't even electricity when Da Vinci was alive, and he is credited as the most genius genius of all time.

6. Videos and Games: I know I learned to read pretty young without videos or apps, as did most people in my generation.  So what if My Baby (can't) Read. This way I am able to edit stories I'm reading as I see fit (my son doesn't know that the Evil Queen asked the Huntsman to kill Snow White, I prefer "get rid of.") William Shakespeare definitely wasn't doing any kind of pre-preschool videos to develop his language ability.

I hesitate to put electronic sleep devices on this list.  I can't honestly say that a sound machine absolutely helps my son sleep better or longer, but I do like the fact that it drowns out other noises around the house.  His sleep sheep also helps him not to hear me as I sneak away like a criminal in the night after he falls asleep.

I'm sure as my son grows up, there will be more "THINGS" to add to this list.  The next time I see some of the "latest and greatest" or take a gander at someone's baby registry and wish I had that for my little guy, I have to remind myself that babies did just find with homemade dolls, balls, and blocks for hundreds of years.

What kinds of things did you buy that you can now look back on as a space waster?

Photos vs. Video for Documenting & Tracking Baby's Progress

Despite the fact that we all carry pretty high quality video cameras with us at all times, parents still seem to rely on photos for the majority of their documentation of their little ones.  Sure they'll capture a bunch of videos here and there, but when it comes to either hiring a professional or putting it all together to create a time capsule of sorts, they usually turn to photographers and or create scapbooks.  Perhaps this is the case because it's easier to create a photo book than it is to edit a video together, especially with all of the online companies that have such cute templates, or maybe parents are just so used to newborn and maternity photo shoots that they don't think about professional video in the same way.

Earlier this month I had the pleasure of sponsoring the Biggest Baby Shower Los Angeles with Big City Moms.  I set up a table like all of the other vendors, and even had a video looping some of the Video Baby Books I've shot.  I also spread out some of the photobooks I have created for my little guy, including the guestbook we had for his first birthday party, a hybrid first year baby book and guestbook for our friends and relatives that attended the party.  Despite the fact that people enjoyed watching the videos, many still seemed more interested in having me help them to create their photo scrap books.  I proceeded to ask them if they are capturing their own videos, which they are, but they still didn't seem to get why creating a video montage ultimately will be so much more powerful of a memory for themselves, and eventually their little one.

My hairdresser reaffirmed my point of view the other day when she told me that her most prized possession is a video she has of herself with her parents at nine months old.  Sure a photo from that same time period could be a great memory and could have captured some special moments, but it would lack the audio that can further communicate feelings and emotions. In addition, a lot of photos are posed, and therefore lack some reality behind the interactions.  Don't get me wrong, I absolutely love looking at professional newborn photos. I wish that we had done a shoot ourselves.  However, I would love even more seeing a new mom watching her little one be posed in all of the cute positions and set up with props and wardrobe options.  I would empathize with her doing her best to comfort and nurse her baby back to a sleepy state in between clicks of the camera in order to get the timeless shots she so desires.

The newborn cry that seemed to be so ingrained in my head during the early days with my little guy really does fade away.  It's only through watching the videos I took during that early time that I can truly remember not only his sound, but how that sound made me feel as a new mom doing everything I could every time I heard it. I definitely "ooo" and "aww" over photos from those early days, but hearing my voice in the videos really brings me back to that sleep deprived time when I was just getting to know my son.

There is no contest when it comes to video over photos of most milestones.  I do tell parents that they shouldn't be so concerned with capturing every first, as the second, third, and even fourth time baby does something it will look pretty similar.  We have very early footage of my son sleeping and making some very funny faces. I am so glad we thought to film it.  Early video footage of my son learning to roll over not only captures his progress, but the pride and joy in my voice as I watch him get closer and closer to accomplishing it. Hearing my son belly laugh for the first time has to be one of my most favorite sounds in the whole world.  Sure I could have taken a picture when this event happened, but my reaction to him will be something he will treasure as well.  His wobble legs slowly taking one step and then another without holding on to anything could never be duplicated in a single still frame. A slide show of photos tracking development is fun to watch, but the one year montage I created for my son of his first year of life really shows all of the little developments as they occur and how we, his parents, grew more proud with each one he accomplished.

Perhaps I'm just a biased filmmaker that I tend to prefer video over photography. But I truly do believe that when my son grows up, he will treasure the time capsules I have made for him in his Video Baby Book.

So You've Got a Ton of Photos of Baby, What Now?

Long gone are the days when you would think about each snap of the shutter and eagerly take a roll of exposed film to the drug store and wait two days for your prints.  We have become a society of instant gratification, cooing over each and every photo as they are taken, sometimes at the expense of missing an even better shot unfortunately.  If you're like me, your phone is slowly becoming a mobile photo album, constantly going back over old shots, reminiscing about when baby was small(er).

So what do you do with all of these wonderful photos? Of course you can still print them, cell phone cameras are pretty high quality these days and the auto focus usually grabs the right point in the frame, but then what? Buy an actual "Photo Album" to put them in and then find a place on a shelf for the album and bring it out to coo over every once in a while? Not too practical for this modern age of digital consumption.  You could pick a few of your best shots, store them on a memory card and put that card into one of those picture frames that creates slide show.  The problem with both of these ideas is that then the picture is just a picture, it doesn't tell the whole story.

We don't want to think about the one day when we will no longer be around to fill in the gaps about the story surrounding each picture.  As much as we love to take pictures, look at them, and share them with friends and family, the photos we take are sometimes more for our little ones than ourselves.  Have you ever taken the time to go through your parents old photo albums and scan through the faded orange images, trying to make out when and where each photo was taken and the circumstances surrounding those photos? I know that I have.  Sometimes I actually remember those events, or rather remember being told of the events and have now incorporated those stories into my own memory banks as actual memories.  Regardless, it's the stories surrounding the photos that make the memories valuable, not that Kodak paper those pictures are printed on. 

So how does one record those memories and stories to go with the pictures for years and possibly generations to come? One option is to create a digital scrapbook of sorts, using any of the wonderful online options.  Shutterfly will often send out discount codes for a free 20 page album, usually enough for incorporating a good amount of memories.  Remember to incorporate text with your pictures, it doesn't have to be lengthy, just enough to fill in the blanks where the "thousand words" of the picture leaves off.  If you have been taking notes somewhere of milestones, those can be added in with dates around the period of time the pictures were taken. Be sure to incorporate a number of pictures per page to really get the best bang for your buck, and make the album as much of a joy to look at as it was to make.

The other option you have is to take those digital photos and create a video out of them.  There are a lot of free programs that computers come with to create digital slide shows.  Just make sure you have the capability to incorporate text as well (see paragraph above about using text with photos).  You can also put a few recorded soundbites in as well.  Most cell phones have the capability to record audio notes.  Use this as an opportunity for your little one to hear your voice.  If you can easily incorporate some mini videos as well, that will make the entire piece a lot more interesting to watch.  After all, if a video is created with love and energy but no one every gets to enjoy it, it never really exists.

Video editing tips will be in a future blog post.  Be sure to sign of for my mailing list to receive all of my tips and tricks!

Subscribe to Video Baby Books tips and news!