Shoemaker Without Shoes This Time Around

It's definitely been a long year of hurt, healing, acceptance and moving on.  Being able to finally bring myself to write down my feelings and share about my missed miscarriage last year was difficult, but definitely much easier to write about than it would have been six months ago.  But an unexpected difficulty came out of that experience as well, and that has been finding the courage to document this little rainbow I'm now carrying. I knew that I wanted to try again as soon as possible and was given the go ahead a month after the loss. But the fear of another miscarriage stayed with me more than after my first loss.

Last year I wrote about my feelings when I first found out I was expecting, I tracked my feelings as I shared the news and I took regular bump photos.  However, when I was fortunate enough to see that second line on July 6th, 2017, I quietly went to sleep and kept the news all to myself.  Would I be devastated again? How could I handle another loss?  It took five months to get pregnant last time, seven months this time, how long would it take again if this one didn't work out? How would I feel if I didn't see a little heartbeat at the first appointment? Instead of thinking about all the amazing things that were about to happen, I was already preparing myself for all the negative things that could happen, and therefore not allowing myself to be excited, which led to not feeling like documenting my thoughts. Somehow writing about my fears would make them more of a reality. Or conversely, writing about my excitement would only make it worse if it didn't work out.

Because my son was the first to learn of my loss last time and he didn't even know that I was pregnant to begin with, I decided to share the hopeful news with him early on and capture it on video.  One of my favorite parts of that video is him saying with such excitement in his voice "what if it works this time?" Even my four year old understood my trepidation. I shared the news with my husband by showing him that video. I told him that I didn't want to tell anyone, not until at least seeing a viable pregnancy. But then after seeing a heartbeat at 8 weeks, I still didn't want to share the news. I would wait until the results from my NIPT (non-invasive prenatal test).

I think nature plays a cruel joke on us preggos by causing so many horrible first trimester symptoms (especially at 40), all while you feel like you can't tell anyone why, especially after experiencing a loss, or in my case, two losses. I was hesitant to write out my feelings along the way, even though with each passing day of symptoms getting stronger, I had a strange feeling that everything was going to work out fine.  I don't remember that inkling of optimism last year.  So eventually I took a bump photo here and there, but refused to move into maternity clothes until it was absolutely necessary. I continued to hide my symptoms and exciting news from everyone, except my chiropractor, acupuncturist, and dentist (all for obvious reasons).  On a side note, I really feel like this pregnancy was helped to fruition by regularly seeing my chiropractor and acupuncturist, complemented by herbs and consciously trying to reduce my stress.

One thing I felt badly for not capturing with X's pregnancy was a gender reveal video. My husband and went for an elective 3D ultrasound at 13 weeks because we really wanted to know.  Our reactions aren't on video and after creating video baby books for clients that had this special moment, I knew I wanted one for this rainbow.  Despite the fact that I was still in my first trimester, we set up my "real" camera on a tripod and filmed ourselves biting into cupcakes with blue icing for our own little gender reveal, since no one else knew our news yet.

After the 12 week nuchal translucency scan combined with the favorable results from my NIPT, I knew it was finally time to spill the beans, at least to immediate family anyway. We captured video of sharing with both sets of grandparents in person (both of which had to have my big reveal t-shirt explained--clearly being vague is not the way to go if you want an immediate reaction).  I made a transfer of the image below and ironed it onto the back of my son's Batman t-shirt.  They thought it was a movie coming out next year??

I've also captured other family members reactions on film as well.  And now ss I've started to obviously show, I can't really keep the news to myself anymore.  Hopefully the few videos I've made and the journal entries I am finally getting to, will make up for my lack of documentation through the first half of this pregnancy. My little rainbow will have to forgive Mama, pregnancy hormones are crazy things! 20 weeks down, 20 to go!

In Honor of Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month....

 A year after my loss, I decided it was finally time to share, not only help myself heal further, but help others who may have experienced or may be experiencing the same thing.  Warning, detailed triggers regarding loss to follow.

I started a blog a little over a year ago called "Fit Pregnancy Pursuit." Last spring started HIIT (High Intensity Interval Training) and a few months into my new active lifestyle, I found out I was pregnant. I decided that this time around I would not gain almost a third of my weight, I would work out hard and continue to stay strong throughout the nine months and document what I was going through to inspire others to stay healthy during their pregnancies.  I purposely kept the blog "private," planning to share it upon reaching the second trimester. After experiencing an early loss before I had my son, I just wanted to make sure everything was okay before blurting the news out into the webiverse. But since I preach the importance of documenting everything, I didn't want to be a shoemaker without any shoes and started my blog about my experience early on.

I distinctly remember one of my last posts.  I had been having a particularly rough day at the gym, feeling frustrated from nausea and annoyed that I wasn't able to "push it" like I had prior to that second little line showing up.  Later that same day, I got to see and hear my little one's heartbeat on an ultrasound.  Because my first miscarriage was a blighted ovum, I thought that seeing a strong heartbeat, even at only six weeks, was a sign that all was good, I felt a huge sense of relief and excitement about the next seven and a half months and beyond.  I still hadn't broken the news publically, but started planning for a big reveal at Thanksgiving, when the whole family would be together. I was just about ready to make my blog public.

Fast forward two weeks, I pulled out my handy home doppler that helped me keep my sanity during my first pregnancy, and I wasn't able to find a heartbeat.  Although I knew it was early, I still was disappointed I couldn't find it. A week later I decided to go into the OB because my symptoms had started to wain and that got me worried.

The doctor and I chatted, I mentioned that I had seen a good, strong heartbeat at six weeks and we talked about usual early pregnancy things. I requested an ultrasound, even though she said there probably wasn't anything to worry about.  To this day, I'll never forget the look on her face as she scanned my abdomen, first routinely, then desperately looking for something. I felt the tears start to form. I knew before she even uttered a word. My son, who had no idea I was even pregnant, inherently picked up on the mood in the room and came over to me with great concern. My heart dropped. My tiny baby had passed.

Prior to that appointment, I was unfamiliar with the term "missed miscarriage." I thought that miscarriages only meant cramping and spotting.  I never knew that the embryo could pass and I would have no idea. A google search of the term made me realize just how common they are.

The doctor took me back into the examination room and gave me the low down on my choices: misoprostol or a D&C. I was devastated, and without my husband by my side to help me take a step back and analyze, I was lost.  I knew that I didn't want to have any surgery right away, and luckily the on-site pharmacy didn't have any misoprostol in stock.  Making a decision at that exact moment was not necessary.  The doctor told me that waiting too long could cause an infection, and even though my baby had passed two weeks prior, I still had some time to do my own research.

Ultimately I chose to give my body the time to figure out what had occurred on its own, hoping that route would help me to more naturally conceive sooner.  I had to make an appointment for two weeks later and really hoped that my body would figure itself out by then.  The next two weeks were excruciating emotionally.  Having to tell the even the small group of people I had shared the news with was like opening up the wound over and over again.  Knowing that I was still carrying that little tiny body inside and my body not doing anything about it made me frustrated and angry.

I returned to the gym with a vengeance, hoping that all I had done to avoid a miscarriage in the previous weeks would help bring on the miscarriage.  I tried acupuncture, herbs, essential oils and supplements to help my body move things along. Every time my son would see me cry he'd respond with "oh no, not again." I'm sure it was difficult for him to see his mommy so upset, and despite my trying to explain to him how that comment made me feel, it was just too much a four year old to empathize with.

The "not knowing when" was almost as hard to deal with as the loss itself. I hoped I wouldn't be alone with my son when it happened or that I wouldn't be out in public. Then thankfully, as if my body knew it was safe to do so, on a Sunday morning, I started to feel uncomfortable cramping. Thankfully my husband was home and able to keep my son occupied, although unfortunately that meant that I would have to deal with the pain, both physical and emotional, all on my own. It was so much like labor, but without the beautiful, amazing gift at the end. I knew I could do it physically, as I had given birth to my son without any medication, but without the natural high of knowing the light at the end of the tunnel was a beautiful child, it was emotionally excruciating.

Once I knew that it was finally over, I felt a sense of relief, but also a sense of further loss, as I was suddenly all alone once again. The physical pain ended long before the emotional pain dissipated. Ultimately though, that too began to fade. All loss is difficult, all loss takes its toll. With every comment of "is he your only one?" and "when are you going to have another?" I felt the need to let that person know that I had experienced a loss, even if it meant opening up that wound all over again. With time I was able to reply with "I guess I'm just meant to have two rainbow babies." Finding the hope in all the negative was the start of moving on.  Finding a way to celebrate others' pregnancy announcement and be truly happy for them got easier as well.  I still find my thoughts sometimes turning to "what might have been," but choose to consciously stop them and be happy now for what will be as I move forward.

To Technologoy or Not To Technology, That is the Question...

I'm sure many parents struggle with this in the technological age we are living in, and even more so if you're a work at home parent of a stay at home only child that no longer naps. This is my current dilemma and the fact that I am somewhat addicted to technology and the work I do involves technology probably doesn't help either.

It was so much easier for our parents when we were kids. Perhaps it was because I grew up on a street with other kids my own age, we played at each other's houses and only came home just in time for dinner. Of course I grew up in the suburbs in the Midwest on a dead end street with a park right across from my home. I can't say that where we live is really that much less "suburban," but it definitely doesn't have that same feel and with that comes less freedom for my child to explore and discover on his own. Some of that may be attributed to his age, but neighborhoods don't feel as "neighborly" as they once did.

So if I can't send him out on his own and if I can't be connected to the internet at the local park, what's a work at home parent to do? While I'm writing this he's actually interrupting me repeatedly for help with an art project that I thought would keep him occupied long enough to get this post done...wrong! Trips to the Dollar Store for art supplies are a regular occurrence just to get him away from technology and keep him occupied (somewhat anyway). I recently read an article that kids should not be allowed any technology before they turn one (oops!) and after that they should only be allowed up to an hour a day (another oops!). Ultimately we are all doing the best that we can, but there is an alternative to mind numbing toy review and surprise egg videos if we parents need some uninterrupted work time......

I am very happy to say that since attending a PBS SoCalKids event that focused on programming curriculum and their Ready to Learn Initiative, I know that if I do choose to turn on the television, then PBS Kids shows are the way to go.  So much time, energy, and thought goes into make their shows that my son's brain is continuing to expand and he is actually learning life lessons and various subject curriculum while watching.  I had the pleasure of learning about "Ready Jet Go!" and the fact that there is an actual JPL Astrophysicist on staff that not only contributes to the show's curriculum, but she is making sure that the science represented is scientifically based.  I learned that the whole production process for an eleven minute episode takes nine months from outline to finished product! In order to create an entire season, they are working on multiple episodes at one time throughout the year.

While I was learning all of these cool things, my son was in the back of the room with other kids on tablets to keep quiet and occupied. But when I found that that he was actually exploring various PBS apps that taught him new things that he was so excited to share with me after the event ended, I was looking forward to downloading the same apps for his tablet when we got home. The most interesting moment, however, was when we were watching a clip from "Ready Jet Go" and all of the kids stopped what they were doing to watch the scene and listen to how it was made, showing that they were not completely zoned out in the tablets.

Another cool element I had no idea about was that PBS Kids also has home based curriculum that kids can do to accompany what they learn in an episode. The activities can be found through their lab on their grown-ups site: http://grownups.pbskids.org/.  I know that my kid learns better when he's doing it hands on, so that fact that the lessons in each episode can be reinforced with activities that we can do together is awesome.

Ultimately, I don't need a researcher to tell me that too much technology is bad for my child. I can definitely see for myself when he has been exposed to too much on any given day (or week): his attitude changes, he is more difficult to communicate with, his patience is very limited, etc. I have resorted to "technology cleanses" for up to two weeks at a time when I feel like it's something that will benefit him and our relationship. Now that I have learned about the PBS for grown-ups site, at least I have a go-to for activities I can have him do that will not only be fun, but educational as well. Since the event he has gotten really excited about Astrology and Science, so I do let him enjoy the "Ready Jet Go!" app as part of his daily hour and he's even teaching me some things too! And since we cut the cord with cable TV, it's awesome to know that he can stream any PBS show at anytime on pbssocal.org/kids or through their video app.

For all the "Stay-At-Home" Mompreneurs (or Dadpreneurs)

As I get ready to send my little guy off to preschool in the morning, I am beginning to reflect on what these last three years have been like as a stay-at-home mom who used to have a part-time job, then started a business, then started helping out with our new franchise, and then signed on as a consultant for a direct sales business.  It really has been difficult to juggle everything and not drop a few balls here and there.  Who am I kidding, I've dropped more than a few.  But we've made it out alive and I have to say that getting six hours of "free" time a week is going to feel like an amazing stay-cation...I may actually get some work done on one of my three businesses too!  I figured that through all of this, I can definitely provide some helpful advice to other parents out there just beginning the journey of stay-at-home entrepreneurship.

First of all, I want to mention that starting a business, whether it's signing on to an already existing direct sales company or becoming a franchisee, or mostly starting something from scratch that requires a great deal of consumer education for acquisition, it's going to take more time than you expect to see the dollar signs come in, no matter how great the business model is. The most important thing is to start as small as you can financially, especially if there are no other funds to fall back on. Babies and kids are always going to need more things than you think they do, and things like cloth diapers can easily become an obsession and get out of control.  But I digress..invest as little as possible to get the ball rolling out of the gate to test the market, your sales abilities, as well as find out if this is going to be something that you really want to do.

On that note, whatever business you are getting in to to either create an income for your family or supplement another income, you have to really love it.  You cannot just be in it to chase dollar signs.  This is going to be a business that you are going to take time away from your child to do. You will lose massive amounts sleep in order to get things done.  Nap times and bed time will sometimes be all you can look forward to in order to get to that project that's sitting on your desk (that also happens to be covered with stickers and temporary tattoos).  If getting to projects or responding to emails for your business starts to become something you dread, it's not the business for you.  Of course that sounds like a no-brainer. But there is a big difference between going to a job you greatly dislike day in and day out just to get a paycheck and finding as many mini moments as possible throughout the day in between cooking, cleaning, laundry and hopefully playtime to get five minutes of work done.  If you're not happy with what you're working on, you will put it off and it will not get done.  It's a lot easier to get distracted at home by an adorable little munchkin than it is in a cubicle when you're already there.

Along the same lines, know your limits and be realistic.  There really are only twenty-four hours in a day and you do need to sleep.  Don't set yourself up for failure by assuming you can complete forty hours of work while being a full-time parent at home.  You probably won't even be able to get twenty hours of work in.  And you cannot beat yourself up over the fact.  Find ways to work your business into your time with your child.  Try to get into a business that markets to parents in your similar life stage so that you can reach out at playdates and playgrounds, do work while you're not really working. If you're in direct sales, find some other moms who are as well and schedule a time for everyone to get together, each one brings a friend who isn't in direct sales, and allow each business owner some time to share while the kids get to play. Also understand that not every week is going to be the same, commitments to home and family will change and the first thing you may have to sacrifice is your "work" time.

Most importantly, remember why you are going out on your own to create income for yourself and your family as opposed to working a full-time job and paying someone else to raise your child.  Being a stay-at-home mom really is one of the hardest and sometimes feels like the most thankless job there is. There are no benefits, sick days, weekends or vacation time. And when you throw being a mompreneur into the mix, there is even less time for you. But understand that your child getting to see you day in and day out is priceless.  No one will ever love your child the way you will and no one can raise them to be who you want them to be, but you.  Once the money starts to come in and you have a bit of a cushion, don't be afraid to hire a sitter here and there to give you time for you, or hire a cleaning service to at least take that off of your plate.  Just don't lose site of the goal of spending as much time with your kids as you can while they're little. It really does go by way too fast.

For those interested to know a bit more of the specifics, I started Video Baby Books after my son was born when I realized that as a professional filmmaker I was sadly only capturing my son's milestones on my cell phone and I wasn't "in" any of the videos.  Knowing that I couldn't be the only one with this issue, I sought to create a business to help parents like myself that really wanted professional level documentaries of their families.  My husband and I opened a Menchie's Frozen Yogurt in Valencia, CA this past April and not having our family time has been difficult. I recently signed on to sell Neal's Yard Remedies (NYR Organics) a certified organic health and beauty line out of the UK. I seek to live as clean and pure as possible when it comes to what we use on our bodies and this company has so many amazing products that selling them turned out to be an obvious choice.  Feel free to check out my online store at: https://us.nyrorganic.com/shop/francinekozlovsky

Really Awkward Milestone Reached Reading Fairy Tales Before Bed

We reached a new milestone, yay! I get to read my little guy actual stories that have more words than pictures on a page. Story time is a chance to expand his horizons and vocabulary.  I thought timeless classics were the way to go. Of course our collection has some of my childhood favorites, The Giving Tree and Where the Wild Things Are. But I thought fairy tales would be a definite must, until I read them to my son.  How are these timeless classics, seriously??  I find myself having to improvise quite a bit, switching out words and elements of the story to make them more suitable for a child.  But regardless, the story lines still are pretty amoral.  One of the only ones with a moral that I like is The Boy Who Cried Wolf because I can talk to my son about the importance of telling the truth. Although I make sure that the wolf scared off all the sheep as opposed to massacring them.   Other than that one and maybe a couple of others, I can't really find many redeeming qualities about them.  What do you think?

Goldilocks and the Three Bears: This lovely story teaches children about trespassing (at least it's not breaking and entering I guess), eating food that they find, destroying someone else's personal property, and sleeping in strangers' beds.

Jack and the Beanstalk: Believing swindlers, lying, repeated theft, taking advantage of a stranger's kindness, and ultimately murder will lead to your very own "happily ever after!"

The Princess and the Pea: Labels are everything.

Puss in Boots: Lying, impersonating, trickery and ultimately murder will lead to success!

Rumplestiltskin: Children are great bargaining pieces and if you succeed at the impossible, you get to marry someone you just met.

Rapunzel: Theft is okay if it's for a pregnant woman, and again, children are great bargaining pieces.

The Hare and the Hedgehog: Trickery and lying is fine if the person your tricking or lying to has a big ego. 

The Twelve Dancing Princesses: Magical trickery is the only way to get ahead and daughters are to be given away as prizes without their consent.

The Little Mermaid: Just depressing on all fronts.

Beauty and the Beast, Cinderella, The Frog Prince, The Ugly Duckling (and quite a few others) Looks are EVERYTHING!

Why are these timeless classics? What do you read to your little ones?

New Year's Resolutions From Another Perspective

Every time New Year's comes around, my Facebook news feed is flooded with resolutions about everything under the sun.  Some people write about how they plan to better document time with their families.  I understand that documenting your little ones can get overwhelming, but it is extremely important to do so. I cannot stress that enough.  I started thinking about what I may do differently the next time around, but then wondered, what if there isn't a "next time around?" What if my little guy is the only addition we're going to have? What would I have done differently had I known from the get go that this was going to be the only time I would experience all of this?

I definitely would have documented my pregnancy more, that's for sure.  I saw pregnancy journals online and in bookstores and wondered at the time why I would want or need to track the changes I was going through, the cravings I was having, and the emotional roller coaster I was on.  If I am lucky enough to go through this again, I don't even think I would have the time to do this with chasing my little guy around. Your first pregnancy really is the best time to focus on yourself and what your body is going through.  I definitely didn't appreciate that I could nap if I needed to. It was such a surreal experience to grow a human for what seemed like nine interminable months, but now it all seems like such a distant memory that went by so quickly.  If I never get to go through it again, I am definitely saddened that I can't recall so many of the details that were such a huge part of those awe inspiring nine months.

Additionally, having had the opportunity to create prenatal chapters for some clients' video baby books, it has made me realize that wish I had captured my husbands reaction when I told him we were expecting.  I wish I could have captured other family and friends on camera when we shared the news.  I also wish we had done a creative gender reveal video. If there is a next time, I will have to make something unforgettable, and it will be, because it will be captured on film.  If I don't get to have my "next time," I hope my video baby book business helps others not have this same regret.

If I knew I wasn't going to have another child, I would have hired a birth photographer and videographer. Labor was so intense, but also so amazing, beautiful, and inspiring, that I really wish I had better documentation of the day.  I definitely also wish I had written out my birth story in more detail closer to the day I had given birth.  Waiting until a month afterwards I think some of the details got fuzzy.  Having had the opportunity to interview brand new moms and document their birth stories for them makes me realize just how much I have already forgotten.  As much as I wanted my husband to turn off his helmet cam because I thought I'd never want to see myself going through that experience, I am so glad I have at least that to remember the most beautiful day of my entire life. 

If I knew my munchkin was going to be the only squishy baby that I would ever have, I would have done a professional newborn shoot.  I love seeing everyone's adorable shots with props and wardrobe, but now that I have had the opportunity to be behind-the-scenes of some of these shoots, I cannot get over how undeniably precious those photographs are. Knowing that the best newborn photo shoots take place within ten days of birth, that newborn "look" is gone in an second when most don't even realize they've missed it.

If I knew that my little guy would be the only newborn I would get to experience, I definitely would have tried harder to enjoy the newborn stage. I know it's really hard for new parents to find joy in the sleepless nights and zombie-like days filled with worry, doubt, fear and confusion. But watching a new life learn about the world on the outside from such an innocent and unaltered perspective is truly inspiring. I remember an extra speedy grocery shopping trip with him in the early weeks and someone commented to me that she missed the "newborn cry." At that moment I thought she was crazy. That cry was making me crazy at the time. But now I understand, and I miss it too.

So in 2015 my resolution is to unplug more, appreciate each little milestone my son accomplishes, take the time to mourn the passing of previous stages, and document everything as much as possible for myself and for him.  This very well may be my only opportunity to capture a two year old and all his silliness and mispronunciations, and I'm not going to miss it.

A Dedication to My Little Guy--Who Won't Remember Our First Three Years :(

After recently reading a scientific based article about how childhood memory fades (link on my Facebook page) I started thinking about all of the wonderful things that my son does right now that he will have absolutely no recollection of, fading even as soon as the next four years or so.  It made me realize that we owe it to our children to not only track all of their milestones, but also their personality and the things that they do so that, in the future, they'll have an even better understanding of what made them who they are.  Toddlers, despite having a bad rap (terrible two's, threenager) they do some pretty awesome things during these extremely developmentally dense years.

So this blog post is dedicated to my little guy and the top 10 adorable awesome things that he does that I don't want to forget, but more importantly, I want him to know about. Of course am working on getting video footage of all of them, and you should too! Photos could never do these things justice. (Of course there are more than 10 adorable things, but these are my absolute favorites)

1. I want to always remember how my son shows excitement through his entire body.  When he is happy about something, he screams with such joy and echoes that feeling stomping both his feet very quickly. There is no second guessing that he is thrilled about what just happened or is about to occur.

2. When my son gives hugs he started saying "baby baby," so now that is the term we use for requesting them, ie "Can I have a baby baby?" He will then wrap his arms around our neck and say "baby baby" in the most adorable voice. I will be very sad when he no longer does this.

3. When my son doesn't like what someone else is doing, whether he knows them or not, he will tell them "no no" while shaking his forefinger.  He will do this to our dog, our cat, and other animals out in the world, as well as other children and adults. I am not quite sure why he doesn't like what they are doing sometimes, as it isn't always affecting him, but perhaps he just likes to maintain some sense of control of the situation.

4. When my little guy says a new word for the first time he will out of the blue repeat something that we've said, and it's absolutely no big deal to him. However, when we ask him to repeat the word after that, he usually won't.  Similarly, I love the way my son says certain words. Anyone outside our immediate family would have no idea what he is saying, but we understand his dialect and its ever changing nature certainly keeps us on our toes.

5. My son loves to run around holding up his diaper on either side. I have absolutely no idea how this started, but he gets a kick out of it, as so do we, quite possibly why he keeps doing it.  He'll also sometimes squat a little and make it more of a "duck walk."  He loves to do this while chasing me playing "Hide & Seek." For some reason he loves having me hide and startle him when he comes around looking for me.

6. I love how my son loves to sing while playing any musical instrument.  He yells "la la la" loudly while he plays his xylophone, tub piano, or anything else he can get his hands on.

7. The way my son will "cheese" for the camera is so adorable. If I ever want to get a photo of him smiling, the last thing I can say is "smile" because he will lift his head up, squint his eyes, and throw on the biggest, silliest grin you could ever imagine.

8. I think the way my son eats, both with his hands and with utensils, is so cute, especially when it's a food he loves. It's difficult to get this one on camera because as soon as I bring it out to film, he notices and poses.

9. The way my son absolutely loves our cat, even though she would prefer to have nothing to do with him, is so charming. He started signing "cat" not all that long ago, but more recently says "meow" as he does the sign.  Sometimes he pinches a little part of his cheek and says meow quietly, while other times he'll pinch a big piece of his cheek and say "meow" very loudly.  He'll walk up to the sleeping cat and make kissing sounds throughout the day.

10. Sometimes my son just wants to snuggle up in our bed. He will lay down on the pillows and pull the blankets up over himself. He may not even be tired or want to rest, it's just comfortable for him.

What are some of the adorable things your little one does or did that you don't ever want to forget? Do your best to capture it on film.  You owe it to your little one. As much joy as these things bring you, it will bring them even more being able to watch it years from now.  A number 11 for me could be watching my son enjoy watching himself in the videos we've already taken of him. We ask him who is in the video and he points to himself and says "me."  We even have videos of him watching videos of himself. Equally as adorable.

MORE STUFF! Do These Things REALLY Help Our Little Ones Reach Milestones?

As I was forced to be awake early this morning for two hours straight while trying to coax my little one to go back to sleep without nursing, I started racking my brain for what else we could buy to help our situation (in addition to the sound machine, the sleep sheep, the night light turtle, etc.) Then I realized that clearly humans have been "learning" to sleep for thousands of years without electronic device assistance (or training books, for that matter, I mean, who taught Ferber how to sleep?)  What other "THINGS" have we bought to "help" our little guy reach his milestones.  I know that some of these things were actually created to help out mom and dad, but honestly, I think baby registries have gotten way out of control.  Here are just a few of the things (some of which I admit I bought or tried) that probably really did not make a difference in our little guy's development. 

*Disclaimer: I am not in any way discrediting the work of occupational therapists that help babies that show signs of delay or lack developmental skills early on.  The tools that these professionals use truly help babies that would probably have much greater issues developing as they progress in life.

1. Headphones for the belly: I'm not really sure what milestone this is supposed to aid, but I too bought in to the idea that playing classical music for my fetus would benefit his developing brain.  But what music did Mozart's mom play for him in the womb? I doubt his mom had a recording of Bach.  Perhaps there really isn't much to this one after all.

2. The Playmat: Did babies really take that much longer to learn how to lift up their head when not forced to have tummy time on a colorful mat with toys? I highly doubt there were six month old babies with floppy heads even one hundred years ago. I remember reading that it's important to have a mirror on the floor when your baby is doing tummy time to encourage them to lift their head and strengthen their neck.  Once your little one realizes there are things going on around him, he's going to work on trying to see what those things are, with or without the colorful lights and sounds encouraging it.  They really don't need all those noisy toys to learn how to respond to sound, they are going to be interested in it and they will do it whether it plays a delightful tune or not.

3. The Bumbo seat: Did babies not figure out how to sit up before they were forced into this strange seat? Were seven month old babies rolling around on the ground without the desire to sit up and take in the world around him?  Most physical therapists hate them anyway.  Why did I give in and buy it? My son seemed like he really wanted to see what was going on around him before he was able to sit up.  I probably should have just worn him in a carrier instead during those fussy times.

4. Walkers: I know for many parents and professionals these mobile playpens have already been discredited as actually delaying a child's development, but that still doesn't stop many parents from purchasing them in the hopes that their child will become mobile sooner.  After having experienced an early walker, if I were to go through it all over again, I think I'd be happy with crawling for at least a few more months. (see previous blog post about pushing the first born to develop faster and hoping subsequent children stay babies longer)

5. Anything with lights and annoying sounds: There are so many lights and sounds that exist outside in the real world that your baby can be introduced to that these inventions probably do not make much of a difference, if at all.  The real world lights and sounds are probably better anyway because introducing your child to them requires live interaction between the two of you.  And it is proven that engaging your baby in conversation about the world around them from early on actually does help brain development.   Your child doesn't need a flashing light in front of them to encourage crawling, you at a distance will be reason enough to get on the move.  Honestly, what toys did Einstein play with before there was Baby Einstein to help him develop his genius? There wasn't even electricity when Da Vinci was alive, and he is credited as the most genius genius of all time.

6. Videos and Games: I know I learned to read pretty young without videos or apps, as did most people in my generation.  So what if My Baby (can't) Read. This way I am able to edit stories I'm reading as I see fit (my son doesn't know that the Evil Queen asked the Huntsman to kill Snow White, I prefer "get rid of.") William Shakespeare definitely wasn't doing any kind of pre-preschool videos to develop his language ability.

I hesitate to put electronic sleep devices on this list.  I can't honestly say that a sound machine absolutely helps my son sleep better or longer, but I do like the fact that it drowns out other noises around the house.  His sleep sheep also helps him not to hear me as I sneak away like a criminal in the night after he falls asleep.

I'm sure as my son grows up, there will be more "THINGS" to add to this list.  The next time I see some of the "latest and greatest" or take a gander at someone's baby registry and wish I had that for my little guy, I have to remind myself that babies did just find with homemade dolls, balls, and blocks for hundreds of years.

What kinds of things did you buy that you can now look back on as a space waster?

Beyond Photos and Videos: Other Momentos (May Be) Worth Saving

As much as I am a huge proponent of capturing everything on video, there are certain things that you can save from this journey that may prove to be priceless to your little one years down the road.  When looking through my baby book, there were some things I found that my mom had kept in there that were pretty interesting.  Reading up on baby books online and different methods of documenting this time period, I saw a blog post about keeping a memory box to put things in to save for the future instead of the more formal, traditional baby book.  So based on my own experience and research, here is my inclusive list of what I think is worth saving...

-Positive pregnancy test: okay, maybe you don't want to really keep something around that you peed on, and your kid probably won't want to touch it, but at least keeping it throughout your pregnancy will be a nice reminder of how you felt when you first found out (especially if it was a positive experience that you wanted for a very long time). I personally had a collection that I used every other day in the beginning just to see that the line was getting darker. Of course you could always just take a picture of the test(s) as well to avoid keeping the stick itself (I did that too).

-Ultrasound photos: if you're a member of Kaiser, you will probably have an ultrasound at every appointment, which means those cute little black and white photos of what starts to actually look like a baby very early on, will pile up.  We took pictures of the ultrasound photos, but we still have the originals as well. Again, seeing the actual physical photo can be a nice reminder of the excitement you felt when you first saw those images.

-Baby shower mementos: I actually have some pieces of wrapping paper from my mom's baby shower. It's kind of cute to see what style of wrapping paper was used back then. I personally saved the menu from the restaurant where we had our shower because it had our names on the top. My awesome BFF planned some cute games as well and I saved the handouts she made for the games. If you do the game where people have to guess how long a string (or how many squares of toilet paper) it will take to go around your belly, it may be nice to save this, although at the time you probably won't think you'll want to remember just how big your belly got.  If you have a physical invitation from your shower, you should save that as well.  You may want to save the cards you received as well.

-Birthing class diploma: If you attend(ed) a course, you may not get (have gotten) an actual diploma, but any of the handouts or memory keepsakes from the course may be fun to look back on years down the road, even if you didn't remember any of it when it came to the actual D-day.

-Registry: If you have a physical copy of your registry, or even the registry checklist from one of the large chain stores, it may be interesting for your little one to look back at all the things you wanted for them and how much thought and effort went in to their arrival.

-Hospital keepsakes: You and your little one will have matching bracelets that you will want to hold on to. My mom actually kept the menu from her hospital stay.  It's actually kind of funny to see the kinds of things they actually served in a hospital back then. If your baby has a name card put in his/her bassinet, you'll want to take that home with you as well.

-Newspaper: Pick up a newspaper from the day of your child's birth.  Of course you could always go online later to find out what the headlines were the day your baby was born, but it will be much more fun for your child to see an actual newspaper from that day.  Some people even pick up one local and one national newspaper.

-Umbilical cord clip: I only mention this as an alternative to saving the umbilical cord itself. I have my son's, although I'm not really sure if he'll appreciate the plastic "barrette" when he's older.  I thought about saving the umbilical cord itself when it fall off, but after taking a look at it, I quickly changed my mind.

-First blanket/hat: You'll typically go home from the hospital with at least one of their blankets and hats.  Although they're not the most attractive things and you'll probably have enough of your own receiving blankets and hats, there's something really special about remembering holding your little one in that blanket, peeking out from that cap so early on in his/her life.

-Hand/footprints: My hospital didn't do this for us, even though I brought my baby book with me.  But they did give us a couple of single use ink pads for us to do on our own.  Of course we didn't get to it until about two weeks later, but I'm glad we finally did it.  There are some companies that do this for you in clay as a more solid keepsake.

-Birth Announcement: If you are one of those people who sends out holiday cards every year, you're probably going to send out a physical birth announcement and your son or daughter will definitely want to see how they were announced to the world.  I guess you could take a screen shot of your Facebook page and print that if you are going today's more typical route.

-Hair: Many kid's salons offer a special keepsake lock of hair along with a "First Haircut Certificate." We did our first one at home and saved a bit of his hair in a baggie. My mom went a bit further and saved a few locks from a haircut a few years later.  It was actually interesting to see how much my hair darkened in just a few short years.

Of course years down the road you'll want to save art projects and "A" papers.  I was surprised to find a few birthday party invitations that I made myself for my seventh birthday.  Some of them opened backwards and I didn't always color in the lines, but it was fun to find something that I made at such a young age. In today's digital age, I hope to be able to find a away to give my son the ability to create things that will have the same effect on him years down the road.

What kinds of things did you save or wish you saved?

Photos vs. Video for Documenting & Tracking Baby's Progress

Despite the fact that we all carry pretty high quality video cameras with us at all times, parents still seem to rely on photos for the majority of their documentation of their little ones.  Sure they'll capture a bunch of videos here and there, but when it comes to either hiring a professional or putting it all together to create a time capsule of sorts, they usually turn to photographers and or create scapbooks.  Perhaps this is the case because it's easier to create a photo book than it is to edit a video together, especially with all of the online companies that have such cute templates, or maybe parents are just so used to newborn and maternity photo shoots that they don't think about professional video in the same way.

Earlier this month I had the pleasure of sponsoring the Biggest Baby Shower Los Angeles with Big City Moms.  I set up a table like all of the other vendors, and even had a video looping some of the Video Baby Books I've shot.  I also spread out some of the photobooks I have created for my little guy, including the guestbook we had for his first birthday party, a hybrid first year baby book and guestbook for our friends and relatives that attended the party.  Despite the fact that people enjoyed watching the videos, many still seemed more interested in having me help them to create their photo scrap books.  I proceeded to ask them if they are capturing their own videos, which they are, but they still didn't seem to get why creating a video montage ultimately will be so much more powerful of a memory for themselves, and eventually their little one.

My hairdresser reaffirmed my point of view the other day when she told me that her most prized possession is a video she has of herself with her parents at nine months old.  Sure a photo from that same time period could be a great memory and could have captured some special moments, but it would lack the audio that can further communicate feelings and emotions. In addition, a lot of photos are posed, and therefore lack some reality behind the interactions.  Don't get me wrong, I absolutely love looking at professional newborn photos. I wish that we had done a shoot ourselves.  However, I would love even more seeing a new mom watching her little one be posed in all of the cute positions and set up with props and wardrobe options.  I would empathize with her doing her best to comfort and nurse her baby back to a sleepy state in between clicks of the camera in order to get the timeless shots she so desires.

The newborn cry that seemed to be so ingrained in my head during the early days with my little guy really does fade away.  It's only through watching the videos I took during that early time that I can truly remember not only his sound, but how that sound made me feel as a new mom doing everything I could every time I heard it. I definitely "ooo" and "aww" over photos from those early days, but hearing my voice in the videos really brings me back to that sleep deprived time when I was just getting to know my son.

There is no contest when it comes to video over photos of most milestones.  I do tell parents that they shouldn't be so concerned with capturing every first, as the second, third, and even fourth time baby does something it will look pretty similar.  We have very early footage of my son sleeping and making some very funny faces. I am so glad we thought to film it.  Early video footage of my son learning to roll over not only captures his progress, but the pride and joy in my voice as I watch him get closer and closer to accomplishing it. Hearing my son belly laugh for the first time has to be one of my most favorite sounds in the whole world.  Sure I could have taken a picture when this event happened, but my reaction to him will be something he will treasure as well.  His wobble legs slowly taking one step and then another without holding on to anything could never be duplicated in a single still frame. A slide show of photos tracking development is fun to watch, but the one year montage I created for my son of his first year of life really shows all of the little developments as they occur and how we, his parents, grew more proud with each one he accomplished.

Perhaps I'm just a biased filmmaker that I tend to prefer video over photography. But I truly do believe that when my son grows up, he will treasure the time capsules I have made for him in his Video Baby Book.

Dedicated To All the Pregnant Mommies Out There...

aka "I Wish I Knew Then What I Know Now"

With recently finding out a couple people in my life are expecting, it got me thinking that I should do a post dedicated to that amazing time that sometimes doesn't feel all that amazing. Don't worry, this isn't going to be a post about telling you to "get sleep while you can" or "enjoy your down time" or even "you think you're busy now..."  It's more about taking the time to really track what's going on with you physically and emotionally because it is such an important part of the process of bringing a new life into this world.  You may want to go back to your notes during subsequent pregnancies to remind yourself when certain changes occurred or maybe how long your nausea lasted. Or you may have friends or family who get pregnant after you who will want to compare notes.  Either way, you'll want to keep track because in those LONG nine months, believe it or not, every week, sometimes every day, is different.

First and foremost: those dreaded weekly profile pictures.  You may not feel like you're showing much in the beginning, but it will be nice to be able to track the changes when looking back. Take profile photos in the same location every time and try to wear something similar.  If there is something in the frame that can give you perspective of your bump size, that would be ideal.  I unfortunately only had "selfies," and they were taken all over the place. I didn't even take them every week, despite my sister telling me I would regret it if I didn't.  In subsequent pregnancies you will show sooner, so it would be nice to be able to have a record to compare to. Your little one will enjoy getting see themselves growing inside your belly years down the road.

As soon as you feel ready, do some journal entries about your feelings.  I know that sometimes it's hard to get excited about a pregnancy early on, especially if you're like me and miscarried before.  But even without getting excited, you can take note of how you are feeling about what is going on inside your body. Even writing about being scared can be good. Acknowledging your fears and doubt will help you deal with those feelings better. Stress and anxiety are worse if kept bottled up inside.  As you get further along and do start to get excited about your child coming into the world, start writing notes to him or her. Let your child know how you felt about them even before you've met. It will be a wonderful gift to share years down the road.

Another kind of journal entries to do are the ones tracking your symptoms.  Some days I would have the strangest feelings and would immediately go to the internet to check whether it was normal or not. Of course there really is no "normal" in pregnancy, everyone is different and every pregnancy is different even for the same person.  But looking back, I do wish I tracked when those things happened.  I remember I went through a week or two where my belly button was so sore.  I don't know when that was, maybe the second trimester? Early on, again not sure when, I had such pain in my abs, it was like I did two hundred crunches, but yet I hadn't been to the gym in at least a month. If I do go through pregnancy again, I wish I had written down when those different changes had occurred.  In addition, track when you start feeling kicks, when you are able to feel and see kicks from the outside, when your little one gets the hiccups and how often. Believe it or not, those memories do start to fade pretty quickly once your baby arrives.

Whether you have regular ultrasounds or just get to hear the heartbeat every so often, get video footage of it.  If it's an ultrasound and you have someone at the appointment with you, film the ultrasound with one camera phone, and get your reaction to it with another camera phone. You can always synch and edit them together later. Footage of you hearing your little one's heartbeat for the first time is priceless and you don't want to miss it.

And finally, if you have the budget for it or find someone looking to build their portfolio and will give you a good deal, get maternity photos taken. Do some searching on the internet for some ideas of poses and locations you like so you can present them to your photographer.  I wasn't really feeling up to doing a photo shoot the day we did ours, but I am so glad that we got those shots.  There are a set of pictures that he took candidly when my son was kicking and our reactions are full of such joy.

I know that some days the morning sickness and lethargy seem unbearable and you feel like you could never go through this again, but let me tell you, although you don't forget the horrible feelings of pregnancy after you go through it, you do realize how totally worth it it is and you are so willing to deal with it again for the amazing reward you get for going through it.

Looking forward is great, but slow down, there will be a last time for everything

Last night I had the pleasure of giving a Time Capsule Event for a lovely group of mommies. During my educational presentation while I was talking about milestones and looking forward to the next ones our babies will accomplish, I started to think about the converse...things he's doing now won't last forever, there will be a last time for everything.  Although slightly off topic from my usual posts, I thought I'd share some of these things with you in the hopes that you'll cherish each and everything just a little bit more.

Of course I'm looking forward to when my son can put himself to sleep and finally sleep through the night, but that means he'll no longer need me to nurse him back to sleep. There already was a last time we co-slept in his swaddle. Soon there will be a last time he latches on and falls asleep on me.

I am looking forward to when my son can bathe himself. But that means I'll no longer get to watch him experience the simple joy in playing the water after his bath has finished.  There already was a last time he bathed in the little bathtub sitting over the sink. Soon there will be a last time he sticks his head under the running water and giggles at how it feels.

It will be nice when my son will be able to feed himself, but that means we'll no longer be able to make him do "tricks" for food. Right now he makes the cutest impression of a monkey when he wants to eat his baked peas from Trader Joe's.  He already doesn't need me to make all of his food pureed, but pretty soon there will be a last time when he will no use his chubby little finger to point to the different things he wants to eat off of my plate.

It sure will be less worrisome when my son stops tripping and falling almost every time he gets excited and runs, but that means he'll no longer need me to pick him back up again and kiss his boo-boos. He already walks ahead of me at the park and goes to the different equipment he wants to play on.  Pretty soon he won't look for my hand to grab to help him go up steps, and there will be a last time when he will want to sit on my lap to go down the big kid slide.

There will be a last time when he will allow me to kiss him in public, there will be a last time when he signs "Momma" or "Dadda" with such a sparkle in his eyes, there will come a time when he will no longer think of my husband and I as his entire universe. I know that we gave him life so that he will have a life. But I really want to look at all of the things he's doing right now, both difficult and wonderful, and cherish them just a little bit more, because there will be a last time for everything.

Take the time to capture everything.  For more ideas go to videobabybooks.com or check out previous posts in my blog.

So You've Got a Ton of Photos of Baby, What Now?

Long gone are the days when you would think about each snap of the shutter and eagerly take a roll of exposed film to the drug store and wait two days for your prints.  We have become a society of instant gratification, cooing over each and every photo as they are taken, sometimes at the expense of missing an even better shot unfortunately.  If you're like me, your phone is slowly becoming a mobile photo album, constantly going back over old shots, reminiscing about when baby was small(er).

So what do you do with all of these wonderful photos? Of course you can still print them, cell phone cameras are pretty high quality these days and the auto focus usually grabs the right point in the frame, but then what? Buy an actual "Photo Album" to put them in and then find a place on a shelf for the album and bring it out to coo over every once in a while? Not too practical for this modern age of digital consumption.  You could pick a few of your best shots, store them on a memory card and put that card into one of those picture frames that creates slide show.  The problem with both of these ideas is that then the picture is just a picture, it doesn't tell the whole story.

We don't want to think about the one day when we will no longer be around to fill in the gaps about the story surrounding each picture.  As much as we love to take pictures, look at them, and share them with friends and family, the photos we take are sometimes more for our little ones than ourselves.  Have you ever taken the time to go through your parents old photo albums and scan through the faded orange images, trying to make out when and where each photo was taken and the circumstances surrounding those photos? I know that I have.  Sometimes I actually remember those events, or rather remember being told of the events and have now incorporated those stories into my own memory banks as actual memories.  Regardless, it's the stories surrounding the photos that make the memories valuable, not that Kodak paper those pictures are printed on. 

So how does one record those memories and stories to go with the pictures for years and possibly generations to come? One option is to create a digital scrapbook of sorts, using any of the wonderful online options.  Shutterfly will often send out discount codes for a free 20 page album, usually enough for incorporating a good amount of memories.  Remember to incorporate text with your pictures, it doesn't have to be lengthy, just enough to fill in the blanks where the "thousand words" of the picture leaves off.  If you have been taking notes somewhere of milestones, those can be added in with dates around the period of time the pictures were taken. Be sure to incorporate a number of pictures per page to really get the best bang for your buck, and make the album as much of a joy to look at as it was to make.

The other option you have is to take those digital photos and create a video out of them.  There are a lot of free programs that computers come with to create digital slide shows.  Just make sure you have the capability to incorporate text as well (see paragraph above about using text with photos).  You can also put a few recorded soundbites in as well.  Most cell phones have the capability to record audio notes.  Use this as an opportunity for your little one to hear your voice.  If you can easily incorporate some mini videos as well, that will make the entire piece a lot more interesting to watch.  After all, if a video is created with love and energy but no one every gets to enjoy it, it never really exists.

Video editing tips will be in a future blog post.  Be sure to sign of for my mailing list to receive all of my tips and tricks!

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